DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
