I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My ass is underappreciated
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
