oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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