How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
