If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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