dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
