I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
