THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
