My room smells like vodka and shame
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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