Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
