Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
