I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
