He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
