I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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