No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
