Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
