Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
