i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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