Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
