thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
