umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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