I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
