I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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