You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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