I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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