we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
