I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
