I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is wine microwaveable?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
