I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
