Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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