last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
