My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
