One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
