I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
