he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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