just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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