k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
