If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Slut skills are useful in every country.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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