Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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