I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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