I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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