This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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