i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
