in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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