he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
