Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
