i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
