At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she smelled like a LAN party
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
