Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
