Porn is love you can see.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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