Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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