i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
