ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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