Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
