something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
