we made out on top of his cat.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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