I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
