I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
