Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
